She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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