Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
