before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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