I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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