My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
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My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
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Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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