You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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