what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
