he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
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He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
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I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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