Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
