ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
