mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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