This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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