Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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