i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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