im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize