If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
