hotel room ftw
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
