plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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