So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
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