What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
