Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Im part way to drunk.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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