I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
