you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
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I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
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Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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