and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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