Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
