got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
