Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
