My Higher Power is John Stamos
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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