Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
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Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
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Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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