Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize