The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
