How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
