I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize