i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
