I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
