If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
