i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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