I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
