He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
