I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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