winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
