why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
