Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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