Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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