I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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