Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
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He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
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Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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