i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
