Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
