I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
