My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
