No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
