On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
