Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
