Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
