This is not my ceiling
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
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