Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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