I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
