We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
