i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
