We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
