He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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