Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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