I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
