I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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