FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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