Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
