I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Randomize
