If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
