Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
