Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
