So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
