The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
